———- there are an infinite number of ways to miss someone.
TALENT. some would only mourn the loss of isobel stevens as a loss of talent, of USEFULNESS. her time spent in the or, though cruelly limited by the death’s gripping hands, was an art. latex-covered fingers gripped the scalpel with pride; the same FINGERS that once counted pennies to feed her mother’s careless spending on psychics. the same HEART who would give three pennies to someone else & only keep one for herself. & finally, the same MIND that fell for the man she once considered an ASS. ———- they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered. things change, time ticks on, people evolve. they blossom like trees, their roots still snugly grounded from which they came, but growing fresher & more beautiful branches. those who didn’t know the young woman personally would consider her early fate a mere SHAME.
FRIENDSHIP. missing a friend is significantly more painful than losing a talented co-worker. after the death of a friend, one might submit to a week or two of mourning before brushing off the dust & hopping back on the horse. meredith & cristina silently entered her room shortly after her passing, respectfully packing a few of her things into boxes & tucking it away in the back of the closet. alex, of course, protested to anything being touched or even so much as looked at by another breathing soul. izzie knows he’s in pain, though, seeing her stuff everywhere, every day. her bright & flowery head scarves remain draped over the dresser, her bright pink bed sheets hug the bed snugly, the hello kitty snowglobe alex always tauntingly called ‘butt ugly’ still displayed on her nightstand. friends pack izzie stevens away into the boxes of their minds when the acceptable mourning time is over, keeping a few precious things out to remember her by occasionally.
LOVE. the harshest, fatalist version of missing someone is when that someone is a person you promised to love forever. they had vowed to stick together through sickness & in health, the only flaw being she never made it to the in health part. it isn’t fair; it never was. sure, they loved each other years before the marriage, & some would even say that caring about marriage is trivial & stupid. but izzie cares. she cares that her life, her through sickness & in health, was cut short. she cares that they would never get the chance to have a family together. she cares that she knows alex is irreparably destroyed by burying his wife. she cares that their ‘til death do us part came all too soon. that’s when it’s the most unfair.
the vibrant & sunny girl left her memories, her life, scattered around the old house. her bubbly colors litter the rooms, as if they are desperately screaming ’don’t forget me’ at the love of her life daily. leaving behind positive memories rather than sad ones was something the aspiring surgeon, of course, planned out. during her last night at the intern house, just days before she succumbed to the cancer that ate away at her frailed body, fatigued legs carried her around in a mission to leave alex pieces of her.
a little ‘merry christmas, alex. i love you so much & i wish i could be there. please put up a tree,’ note is strategically taped to the top of the box marked christmas decorations. inside lies a perfectly wrapped box, accented with a big bow. in it resides a wedding photo framed in pearly-white embroidery. (they had never gotten an actual wedding photo printed due to the chaos of her treatments & surgeries.) during her last days, she knew that she wanted to be there even if she couldn’t be. FOR ALEX, the man who was so used to people leaving without a trace, without reason. izzie stevens was always one to give three pennies & take one for herself. the stethoscope she consistently wore around her neck for years was placed back into the box & tucked into the closet. its note reads:
‘your heart is still beating. it’s okay to check sometimes.’
heartbeat thumping dully within his rib cage quickens, violently threatening to break out —— deafening, insistent, more akin to a drum beat than anything human. he’s suddenly made glad that everyone attending this pitiful two-weeks-before-christmas christmas party is downstairs in the living room, unable to hear it taunt him. his fingers are shaking when they reach out for the paper adorned with izzie’s(!) distinguishable rounded scrawl: living words of his dead wife, found by chance while rummaging through a closet for a hidden bottle of tequila. a seat is taken on the floor as he pulls the cardboard box out into the hallway, heart leaping into his throat as an unmoving hand hovers above the flaps of the box. this could be the first and only thing she left for him to find, continuing her life even in death just so he wouldn’t feel quite so alone, and the finality of that weighs down upon him; but she wanted him to find it & she knew that would prevent him from just shoving it back into the closet and storming off without a second thought.
so he lets her assist him in debriding the wound she left behind and opens the box, letting a fresh wave of pain run its course. he wants to tease her for this, for the sentimentality of it, but even if he considered lapsing briefly into the world of a kooky widow and talking to someone who wasn’t there, he wouldn’t be able to find the words. two boxes sit atop the decorations & he opens the wrapped one first because he recognizes the second, careful not to rip the wrapping paper. the frame within encapsulates the happiest day of his life; a turning point, a real commitment to someone else, something he never thought he could do. the way she shines in the picture is nothing compared to the way she blinded him that day. he runs a thumb over her face, stares at them —— together, happy —— until something splashes onto the glass & he realizes his reflection is crying. merry freakin’ christmas.
he places the frame on the floor beside him only for the second box, the one their stethoscopes had come in when they got them as interns, to take its place in his hands. another note dies as he reads it. it’s sticky sweet and tender ( and exactly what he needs. ) god, he would have ridiculed her. he would have teased her until she smacked him in the arm & called him an ass for being so callous. honestly, he still wants to, but instead he opts for placing the eartips in his ears, the chestpiece against his skin, and he listens. he listens to a drum beat even more forceful than when her first note was discovered. he listens to his lungs expand and contract erratically. he listens to silent sobs that reverberate too loudly in his ears. the stethoscope is curled around as he leans against the closet door’s frame and pretends that it’s her heartbeat he’s listening to, but never once does he wish for their places to trade. this agony is not something she needs to feel again // he will endure it for her.
eventually his heartbeat slows, his breathing regulates, and he removes the stethoscope from ringing ears —– though skin surrounding umber hues remains tellingly puffy and red. he should really get back to the living room before someone comes looking for him & finds him like this. everything is put back into the box of decorations except her stethoscope, which returns to the closet for him to retrieve later; it’s perhaps a bit too morbid to don his dead wife’s stethoscope ‘round his neck while at a christmas party, no matter how pathetic the party may be. when he lumbers downstairs, he is met with a strangely cheerful chorus of voices wondering where the tequila is, as if they are afraid he might shatter should they be any harsher in tone. in response, the box of decorations is plopped down onto the coffee table with a nod towards the skeleton of a tree in the corner. ( izzie would have been horrified at the sight of it. )
❛ someone help me put this crap up. ❜
it’s late by the time they finish & everyone but meredith winds up going home. the last beer is shared between them, both sets of eyes darting around the room at the trainwreck of christmas decorations until they mutually land on the wedding picture he discreetly put above the fireplace, her head plopping onto his shoulder in a gesture that he knows means I’M SORRY.( “dude, this place is ugly.” “so ugly.” “how did she make it look so freakin’ nice?” )
i am in no way affiliated with abc's grey's anatomy, shonda rhimes, or justin chambers. the character alex karev does not belong to me, but the writing, headcanons, and graphics found on this blog do unless otherwise stated.
02. portrayal
i am constantly evolving alex’s character, fleshing him out, and discovering aspects of his personality that i haven’t before explored. he will behave the way i see fit, and though i believe myself to have a fairly good handle on his character, it may not necessarily correspond to the way he behaves in the show.
i have adjusted alex's timeline (mostly his adolescent years) for my own convenience. it affects nothing, but conflicts with his already super conflicting canon.
03. godmodding
moderate godmodding is acceptable, but is solely reserved for fight scenes. other than that, don’t make my character move, talk, or express an emotion in your response unless we’ve already discussed it ooc beforehand, otherwise i will drop the thread.
04. verses & ships
this blog is multi-verse and multi-ship. i am more than open to creating a verse for anyone i interact with, and i am more than open to shipping with any character there is chemistry with. just send me a message and we’ll take things from there!
05. private & selective
i am private and selective. this means i will only interact with mutuals and will not necessarily follow everyone back. please don’t take it personally. it may just be that i couldn’t see a valid situation in which our characters could interact together.
06. mains & exclusives
mains are reserved for those in the grey’s fandom. i’ll roleplay with other versions of those characters, but my mains will be the ones i go to with plots first! (there will be exceptions to this, wherein people in the grey's fandom who i have plotted extensively with in multiple verses & who i cannot see my alex with another version of their muse will be exclusives rather than mains. this will be very rare!) exclusivity is reserved for characters outside of the grey’s fandom. if i’m exclusive with someone, i will only be interacting with their version of the character. (typically i only make someone a main/exclusive if i have extensively plotted out verses/relationships with them and our characters mesh well.)
any nsfw or triggering material will be tagged with "nsfw" and "[trigger] tw" respectively. if i ever fail to tag something you need me to, please send me a message and let me know! it’s admittedly hard to keep track of all of the triggers of people who follow me sometimes.
i’m completely fine with violence, gore, etcetera. additionally, alex is a surgeon. gore and the details of medical procedures will remain untagged, though i don't tend to go into extreme detail of medical procedures due to my own lack of medical knowledge.
the only thing that i ask to be tagged is puppets because they literally scare the shit out of me!!! so if they could be tagged with tw puppets or tw automatonophobia or anything like that i would really appreciate it.
i am 18+, but i'm uncomfortable writing smut. there won't be any on this blog. i’m fine, however, with fading to black, cut scenes, time lapses, etcetera.
08. greeters
it is extremely rare that i will post a greeter when someone follows me. they’re too often left without a response or stuck in a rut. however, i will respond to those posted for me. (if you want a specific verse of mine, just tag the starter with the tag that accords to the verse!)
09. starters
i do post open starters, though not very often. when i do, they’re always available for any mutual to respond to, regardless of how old they are or how many others have responded!
i also post starter calls, which are, again, always available for any mutual to like. i usually get the starter up within a day. if i post a starter for you, please respond to it. i put a lot of effort into writing starters, and it's super frustrating when they're left unacknowledged.
10. asks & memes
if you send in an ic ask/meme, feel free to turn it into a thread even if we have one (or seven????) going already! honestly, i love having more than one thread with any given person at the same time because that way, if i don’t have muse for a particular thread, i can always reply to another.
i do ask that you don’t reblog as an ask though! please copy and paste it into a text post.
11. sabrina’s notes
hello i'm sabrina (she/her) and i'm a 5'5" bean who loves her boyfriend, alex karev, mellie grant, sushi, bingewatching television shows, making people cry over rlly sad plots, and face masks. you can go here if you wanna know more !! i'm in college, which always always always comes first for me, even tho i'd much rather be writing here. trust. i've been writing on tumblr for around six years now. my im and skype are always open and available to mutuals! these rules probably seem rlly intimidating but tbh i type like this ooc 95% of the time so how intimidating can i be
i'm not a doctor or a med student (wouldn't that be cool tho) so mistakes are more than likely going to occur despite the fact that i do extensive research beforehand!
also i make my own icons and graphics and stuff so pls pls pls don’t take them
last updated on march 15th, 2017
DOSSIER
STATS
BIOGRAPHY
basic information
FULL NAME: alexander michael karev (formerly evans) NICKNAME(S): alex, karev, evil spawn, frat boy, doctor douche face, etc. TITLES: m.d., f.a.c.s. AGE: 38 (verse dependent) BIRTH DATE: january 27th ETHNICITY: english, russian, german GENDER: cis male ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: heteromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual RELIGION: raised loosely catholic, currently agnostic with atheist leanings SPOKEN LANGUAGE: english CURRENT LIVING CONDITIONS: loft in seattle, washington; formerly a rundown house in burlington, iowa & a dorm in ames, iowa OCCUPATION: head of pediatric surgery at grey-sloan memorial hospital (verse dependent)
EYE COLOUR: brown HAIR COLOUR: brown HEIGHT: 5'11" BODY BUILD: athletic built TATTOOS + PIERCINGS: none NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: various scars
phobias and disorders
PHOBIAS: monophobia MENTAL DISORDERS: ptsd WHEN WAS THIS DIAGNOSED?: after being shot, transient
personality
INTELLIGENCE LEVEL: above average DISPOSITION: callous & blasé ALIGNMENT: chaotic good ( a chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. he makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. he believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. he hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. he follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. ) TEMPERAMENT: choleric ( the choleric temperament is fundamentally ambitious and leader-like. they have a lot of aggression, energy, and/or passion, and try to instill it in others. they can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. many great charismatic military and political figures were choleric. they like to be in charge of everything. however, cholerics also tend to be either highly disorganized or highly organized. they do not have in-between setups, only one extreme to another. as well as being leader-like and assertive, cholerics also fall into deep and sudden depression. essentially, they are very much prone to mood swings. ) MBTI TYPE: istp-a ZODIAC SIGN: aquarius POSITIVE TRAITS: ambitious, caring, creative, hard-working, honest, intuitive, kind-hearted, loyal, steady-handed NEGATIVE TRAITS: abrasive, arrogant, gruff, impatient, mouthy, over-confident, pessimistic, self-alienating, smug, temperamental, womanizing
character tropes
01. a lady on each arm 02. dark and troubled past 03. ineffectual loner 04. jerk with a heart of gold 05. self-made man 06. the charmer 07. the cynic 08. troubled, but cute
❝ atlas was permitted the opinion that he was at liberty, if he wished, to DROP the earth and creep away; but this opinion was all that he was permitted. ❞
(trigger warnings for drug abuse, domestic violence, & mental illness !!)
alexander michael evans was born on january 27th, 1978 at 3:28pm to helen and james evans in the great river medical center, burlington, iowa. he grew up in a household lacking in both revenue and affection, dragged from bar to bar by his parents —— who tended to spend more of the money they did have on alcohol than they did on him. it was around the time that alex was five that his mother began exhibiting symptoms of what he overheard the doctors referring to as paranoid schizophrenia.( he just knew that sometimes she didn't hear him when he spoke to her & sometimes she spoke to people who weren't there. ) unable to cope with the stress this put on his life, alex’s father found solace in multiple vices, his favorite of which was heroin.
the arrival of his brother, aaron, and subsequently his sister, amber, left alex with two more people to protect from his father, who took his stress out on his family in shades of black and blue ( and yellow when they started healing. ) disability checks were spent on drugs and booze, growling stomachs were silenced with stolen chips from convenience stores, and younger siblings were quietly ushered into their rooms when mom started yelling about the cia or when dad came home with vacant eyes. it was LIFE, and he knew how to live it.
in the first semester of his eighth grade year, alex, thirteen years old and tired of the constant abuse at home, took up wrestling solely as a means of protecting himself and his family — but discovered that his skills were scholarship worthy when he got into high school. ( not to mention he really enjoyed it. ) grades rose and disciplinary issues declined at the threat of being kicked off the team and losing his only way into college, his only way of becoming a SURGEON. no longer a pipe dream, but a genuine possibility! kids still received black eyes at his hand & sharp tongue still cut those who warranted it, but that was mostly off campus.
in the second semester of his freshman year, alex, finally fifteen years old and tired of the constant abuse at home, used the brawn he’d accumulated from wrestling to beat his father within an inch of his life and kicked him out. life was harder but better for the boy who was forced to become a man too quickly. disability checks were put towards bills now, which left the children with very little money for food. good thing they had nimble fingers.
in the first semester of his sophomore year, alex, fifteen years old and unable to care for his mother any longer, checked her into a psychiatric facility. he managed to keep caring for his siblings —— until he got busted for stealing dinner for them one night, thrusting him into juvie and amber and aaron into the foster care system. a few months later, alex followed suit. he bounced from foster home to foster home until he was eighteen years old, only trying to figure out a way to get his siblings back. he lost count of how many he was in (seventeen,) more focused on where his siblings were. they managed to stay together, only going through five before alex assumed custody of them during his senior year and legally changed all of their last names to karev.
on a full ride to iowa state university because of a wrestling scholarship, alex was jock turned doctor —— with a tendency to revert back to jock whenever he felt insecure. bullying had always proven to be an effective way to keep people from seeing how he truly felt; why should it be any different as an adult? he cared for his siblings as best as he could, cashing out loans to send to them, placing himself further into debt than he should have been with a full ride. after distancing himself from his siblings during med school, alex decided to do what was right for him and move to seattle to intern at seattle grace hospital, still sending them money every month. (the rest of his biography follows grey's anatomy's canon.)
verses
CANON
AU
CLOSED
GROUP
MAIN.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery. you are currently in a relationship with josephine wilson, who has declined your multiple proposals time and time again. (you can't help but be FRUSTRATED at the non-reasons she throws your way.) it all comes to a head the night you find her in bed with deluca, misunderstanding the situation & letting your TEMPER get the best of you. the last two of your intern class, you and meredith grey have become close friends. you work dutifully to provide your patients with the best care possible. (the main verse correlates with and follows the canon events of whatever the current season is.)
SURGICAL FELLOW/ATTENDING.
your name is alexander karev. you have finally finished your surgical residency. you are TOP DOG! and a homeowner, too! you have fought tooth & nail to get where you are, defied the odds, and could not be happier. that is, until you start a relationship with josephine wilson, who understands everything you've been through and loves you despite how hard it is for her to get that close to someone. you briefly relinquish your position at grey sloan in favor of a private practice that helps you pay off your student loans, but return after being fired due to maggie's big mouth. (follows the canon events of seasons nine-eleven.)
RESIDENT.
your name is alexander karev. you are no longer the runt of the litter, the bottom of the surgical foodchain; you're a RESIDENT now! your world begins and ends with izzie stevens, even though you don't want it to. she b r e e z e s into your life with sunshine hair and rose-petal lips, and passes on through just as quickly, leaving the sun dimmer and roses no longer quite as pretty. the loss of her hits you HARD, but you channel your energy into your work. ( and one night stands. ) you officially give up your pursuit of plastics in order to specialize in peds. (follows the canon events of seasons four-eight.)
INTERN.
your name is alexander karev. you are a surgical intern at the prestigious seattle grace hospital. you’re a bully, a shark, a frightened boy hiding behind a mask of bravado because you came from nothing and somehow made yourself something. most of your intern class doesn’t like you because of it — and the nurses don’t either. you and izzie stevens have an on-again-off-again relationship; you let your own external stressors and emotional shortcomings ruin it time & time again. you claim to want a specialty in plastics, but neonatal with addison montgomery is where you shine. (follows the canon events of seasons one-three.)
NO ONE WANTS A KID FROM JUVIE.
your name is alexander evans. you are circulating through the foster care system faster than anyone you know. maybe they don’t like your mouth or your tendency to fight with the other kids or the fact that you don’t take orders very well — you’re never sure, but you’re always kicked out a few months after arriving. you spend all of your time waiting to turn eighteen so that you can get your brother and sister back.
your name is alexander evans. you are taking care of your family the best you can. your mother is schizophrenic, your father is a junkie with a heavy hand, and your siblings rely on you for food and protection. (the former usually consists of pocketed gas station food, but they never complain.) you’re looking at miserable life if you can’t find a way to get your father out of the picture. (set before alex is put in the foster care system, from when he is a child to when he is caught stealing.)
A WAKING NIGHTMARE.
your name is alexander karev. when you reach your thirties, you think you are in the clear! your mother had schizophrenia & so did your brother, but you — you have prevailed. you think this when you become a resident, when you become an attending, when you move in with your hopefully soon-to-be fiancée. you even think this when you suffer your first PSYCHOTIC BREAK. you think this while you withdraw from your friends, while you begin to suspect your peers and patients of plotting against you to take away your license, while you show up to work hours late and just sit there; but you're fine. you're in the clear, remember? (this verse is flexible in its placement in his timeline.)
PRIMARILY A CHOICE; SECONDARILY A FEELING.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery at grey sloan memorial hospital. not only has the woman you wanted to marry betrayed you beyond reconciliation, but the woman you have married has shown up after all this time, bringing unresolved feelings with her. izzie stevens has always been your kryptonite, and you've never quite known how to deal with how she affects you. it seems TIME hasn’t changed that.
EVERYTHING IS FINALLY GOING FOR ME.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery at grey sloan memorial hospital. everything in your life is PERFECT! you're almost afraid to say that, afraid that you might screw it up by letting the universe know how happy you are — but everything in your life is finally going for you. happily are you married toizzie stevens, who you have a beautiful little girl with. her name is charlotte & you are completely infatuated with her.
ALONE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE.
your name is alexander karev. you are in the third year of your surgical residency at the prestigious seattle grace-mercy west hospital. your wife, izzie stevens, has just succumbed to the impossibly stacked odds of her five percent survival rate. it's something you couldn't have even fathomed, so entirely far-fetched that it didn't seem real. and yet she has left you ALONE — but sometimes you swear you can smell her banana muffins when you walk through the kitchen.
DID YOU KISS ME?
your name is alexander karev and getting drunk off your ass isn't always a good thing, especially when it leads to you KISSING your best friend, meredith grey. and her kissing you back! wouldn't it be so easy to sweep it under the rug? wouldn't it be so simple to claim that it was all on the alcohol, that it didn't mean anything? (too bad it DOES.)
HERE'S TO FUTURE DAYS. • GROUP.
your name is alexander evans. you are taking care of your family the best you can. your mother is schizophrenic, your father is a junkie with a heavy hand, and your siblings rely on your deft hands (good for punching and stealing!) for food and protection. you care very little for the people at your school. most of them get the brunt of the frustration of your home life and most don’t know you as anything other than a bully, though there are a few who you would take on the WORLD for.
WHAT IF/THEN. • GROUP.
your name is alexander karev. you are happily engaged to meredith webber, who turned you around. you were a jerk before you met her. she is your chance to be b e t t e r. (but sometimes you still get to be a jerk behind her back with her PERSON, april kepner.) now, you are the model pupil! eager to learn, responsive to authority & best of all, you're chief resident! you are pursuing a specialty in general surgery, like the amazing ellis grey.
