deleterious speeches persistently flow, the room feeling like it’s overflowing with trapped words and angry heat. immediately, it becomes clear that his jabs are a result of unbearable SADNESS. her mouth falls open slightly at his next words. he wanted her to stay, he wanted her to prove to him that she loved him enough to fight. izzie foolishly thought he had moved on the first time she came back seven years ago. she had thought he was done battling in a seemingly unwinnable war. ❛ i didn’t —- i didn’t REALIZE that was what you wanted, alex! i never know with you half the time. one minute you’re reading wedding vows to me and the next you’re telling me i’m not good enough for you. ❜
a beat of silence lingers, menacingly dancing in the dead air between the two of them. she pants softly from the raw exertion of agitation, of fluctuating EMOTION. ❛ listen, we were both alone and scared and stupid. i mean, we still are, apparently. i don’t know why i left, but i couldn’t come back, not for a while. maybe i thought i was protecting you from the five percent survival rate or whatever, because god knows aggressive cancers come back all the time, or maybe i wanted to give you the chance to have a better life —- a better future —- without a flaky cancer wife screwing it all up. i don’t know. ❜ hell, she wishes she did know. if she did maybe she wouldn’t have left in the first place.
brown hues watch the other, a visible mix of shame and guilt present. hands find solace in hiding themselves within the crooks of her crossed arms, a nervous tick the blonde possessed all her life, as if they were trying to escape the confrontation. his stare remains stony and unchanged —- a haunting sight compared to the bright, admirable gaze she was used to seeing. eyes shift to the wall to avoid the image she never wanted to see in her head again. a fresh well of tears spring, clouding her vision and threaten to spill over while she gnaws on her lips in attempt to get it together.
she nods at the lecture, allowing him to get it out of his system, to say what needed to be said. they have seven years of thoughts to spill. eighty-four months apart and yet both still have so many unsaid words full of anger, despair, and underlying love to evict.
oh, god. oh, god, she had forgotten what it was to hear her name in his voice. it had been such a long time since she last heard it, that it momentarily left her in a state of CONFUSION. she worked so hard to convince herself that she would never hear him say it again that her brain had been trained out of recognize her own name when alex said it. her name had always sounded different when he said it and she had forgotten. congratulations, izzie stevens. maybe you did move on a bit after all. ❛ i’m happy that you made yourself better. that’s something i couldn’t have done for you. for whatever it’s worth, i wish i had stayed and fought, too. ❜
a scoff flies past his lips, harsh and disbelieving, one that tells her just how ridiculous he thinks that is better than words ever could — or, maybe just kinder than words ever could. she’s trying to fix this, but salt is only being poured into wounds he refuses to lick in front of her. adrenaline courses through his veins like fire, burning him up from the inside out. it tinges his cheeks red and labors his breathing ever so. his instincts had insisted that he FIGHT when she first followed after him, but they have very quickly begun to shift towards FLIGHT. mirroring her, arms cross themselves tightly over his chest in a subconscious attempt to quell his heart’s erratic beating. it aches more and more with every word, every pulse, and he knows the solution is as easy as walking out that door, but he forces himself to hear her out.
god, he wants to tell her that she was his future. once she recovered her memory after that last surgery, he could finally picture them buying their own house together or having a tea party with their children without her five percent survival rate laughing quite so loudly in his face. he was ready for his life with her, but he was scared of how the loss of her, which was still possible, would affect him. it’s not like he wanted to push her away. he just couldn’t help it, an instinct as ingrained into his system as fight or flight. if he just made her leave himself, maybe it wouldn’t pain him quite as much as her death would.
all alex does, though, is cast his gaze over to the couch, swallowing those words down, down, down to the pit in his stomach where they go to rot. his own emotions threaten to break through the steeliness of his demeanor the longer he gazes into those big browns of hers, filled to the brim with regret and sorrow that spills over the apples of her cheeks. he can’t risk her seeing that vulnerability. letting her in will only allow her to hurt him once more, and he won’t be able to survive when she inevitably goes back to —— wherever once she performs her surgery. as much as he wants to fold her into his embrace and wipe away the tears he caused, he CAN’T. for himself.
he can escape though. he sees his chance, and he takes it.
❛ yeah, almost makes up for the fact that you didn’t, ❜ alex quips before pushing past her, shoulder brushing against shoulder as he storms towards the door. something like a crowd has gathered outside, nosy interns and unimpressed nurses and concerned friends alike turned into moths near a flame. most of the interns are too frightened of him to stay once he emerges, but the nurses only look back to their paperwork and the friends stay put. he can’t handle explaining himself, so he just walks away.
it’s as he’s heading towards the nicu — with lots of sick babies to keep his mind busy and lots of seclusion to keep anyone from bothering him — that he realizes he’s doing it again. he’s pushing away what very well may be the best thing that’s ever happened to him again, when she had come bearing regret and apology. a nearby garbage bin is sought out by his foot, sent sailing across the hallway before he can even process that he’s moved.
i am in no way affiliated with abc's grey's anatomy, shonda rhimes, or justin chambers. the character alex karev does not belong to me, but the writing, headcanons, and graphics found on this blog do unless otherwise stated.
02. portrayal
i am constantly evolving alex’s character, fleshing him out, and discovering aspects of his personality that i haven’t before explored. he will behave the way i see fit, and though i believe myself to have a fairly good handle on his character, it may not necessarily correspond to the way he behaves in the show.
i have adjusted alex's timeline (mostly his adolescent years) for my own convenience. it affects nothing, but conflicts with his already super conflicting canon.
03. godmodding
moderate godmodding is acceptable, but is solely reserved for fight scenes. other than that, don’t make my character move, talk, or express an emotion in your response unless we’ve already discussed it ooc beforehand, otherwise i will drop the thread.
04. verses & ships
this blog is multi-verse and multi-ship. i am more than open to creating a verse for anyone i interact with, and i am more than open to shipping with any character there is chemistry with. just send me a message and we’ll take things from there!
05. private & selective
i am private and selective. this means i will only interact with mutuals and will not necessarily follow everyone back. please don’t take it personally. it may just be that i couldn’t see a valid situation in which our characters could interact together.
06. mains & exclusives
mains are reserved for those in the grey’s fandom. i’ll roleplay with other versions of those characters, but my mains will be the ones i go to with plots first! (there will be exceptions to this, wherein people in the grey's fandom who i have plotted extensively with in multiple verses & who i cannot see my alex with another version of their muse will be exclusives rather than mains. this will be very rare!) exclusivity is reserved for characters outside of the grey’s fandom. if i’m exclusive with someone, i will only be interacting with their version of the character. (typically i only make someone a main/exclusive if i have extensively plotted out verses/relationships with them and our characters mesh well.)
any nsfw or triggering material will be tagged with "nsfw" and "[trigger] tw" respectively. if i ever fail to tag something you need me to, please send me a message and let me know! it’s admittedly hard to keep track of all of the triggers of people who follow me sometimes.
i’m completely fine with violence, gore, etcetera. additionally, alex is a surgeon. gore and the details of medical procedures will remain untagged, though i don't tend to go into extreme detail of medical procedures due to my own lack of medical knowledge.
the only thing that i ask to be tagged is puppets because they literally scare the shit out of me!!! so if they could be tagged with tw puppets or tw automatonophobia or anything like that i would really appreciate it.
i am 18+, but i'm uncomfortable writing smut. there won't be any on this blog. i’m fine, however, with fading to black, cut scenes, time lapses, etcetera.
08. greeters
it is extremely rare that i will post a greeter when someone follows me. they’re too often left without a response or stuck in a rut. however, i will respond to those posted for me. (if you want a specific verse of mine, just tag the starter with the tag that accords to the verse!)
09. starters
i do post open starters, though not very often. when i do, they’re always available for any mutual to respond to, regardless of how old they are or how many others have responded!
i also post starter calls, which are, again, always available for any mutual to like. i usually get the starter up within a day. if i post a starter for you, please respond to it. i put a lot of effort into writing starters, and it's super frustrating when they're left unacknowledged.
10. asks & memes
if you send in an ic ask/meme, feel free to turn it into a thread even if we have one (or seven????) going already! honestly, i love having more than one thread with any given person at the same time because that way, if i don’t have muse for a particular thread, i can always reply to another.
i do ask that you don’t reblog as an ask though! please copy and paste it into a text post.
11. sabrina’s notes
hello i'm sabrina (she/her) and i'm a 5'5" bean who loves her boyfriend, alex karev, mellie grant, sushi, bingewatching television shows, making people cry over rlly sad plots, and face masks. you can go here if you wanna know more !! i'm in college, which always always always comes first for me, even tho i'd much rather be writing here. trust. i've been writing on tumblr for around six years now. my im and skype are always open and available to mutuals! these rules probably seem rlly intimidating but tbh i type like this ooc 95% of the time so how intimidating can i be
i'm not a doctor or a med student (wouldn't that be cool tho) so mistakes are more than likely going to occur despite the fact that i do extensive research beforehand!
also i make my own icons and graphics and stuff so pls pls pls don’t take them
last updated on march 15th, 2017
DOSSIER
STATS
BIOGRAPHY
basic information
FULL NAME: alexander michael karev (formerly evans) NICKNAME(S): alex, karev, evil spawn, frat boy, doctor douche face, etc. TITLES: m.d., f.a.c.s. AGE: 38 (verse dependent) BIRTH DATE: january 27th ETHNICITY: english, russian, german GENDER: cis male ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: heteromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual RELIGION: raised loosely catholic, currently agnostic with atheist leanings SPOKEN LANGUAGE: english CURRENT LIVING CONDITIONS: loft in seattle, washington; formerly a rundown house in burlington, iowa & a dorm in ames, iowa OCCUPATION: head of pediatric surgery at grey-sloan memorial hospital (verse dependent)
EYE COLOUR: brown HAIR COLOUR: brown HEIGHT: 5'11" BODY BUILD: athletic built TATTOOS + PIERCINGS: none NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: various scars
phobias and disorders
PHOBIAS: monophobia MENTAL DISORDERS: ptsd WHEN WAS THIS DIAGNOSED?: after being shot, transient
personality
INTELLIGENCE LEVEL: above average DISPOSITION: callous & blasé ALIGNMENT: chaotic good ( a chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. he makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. he believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. he hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. he follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. ) TEMPERAMENT: choleric ( the choleric temperament is fundamentally ambitious and leader-like. they have a lot of aggression, energy, and/or passion, and try to instill it in others. they can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. many great charismatic military and political figures were choleric. they like to be in charge of everything. however, cholerics also tend to be either highly disorganized or highly organized. they do not have in-between setups, only one extreme to another. as well as being leader-like and assertive, cholerics also fall into deep and sudden depression. essentially, they are very much prone to mood swings. ) MBTI TYPE: istp-a ZODIAC SIGN: aquarius POSITIVE TRAITS: ambitious, caring, creative, hard-working, honest, intuitive, kind-hearted, loyal, steady-handed NEGATIVE TRAITS: abrasive, arrogant, gruff, impatient, mouthy, over-confident, pessimistic, self-alienating, smug, temperamental, womanizing
character tropes
01. a lady on each arm 02. dark and troubled past 03. ineffectual loner 04. jerk with a heart of gold 05. self-made man 06. the charmer 07. the cynic 08. troubled, but cute
❝ atlas was permitted the opinion that he was at liberty, if he wished, to DROP the earth and creep away; but this opinion was all that he was permitted. ❞
(trigger warnings for drug abuse, domestic violence, & mental illness !!)
alexander michael evans was born on january 27th, 1978 at 3:28pm to helen and james evans in the great river medical center, burlington, iowa. he grew up in a household lacking in both revenue and affection, dragged from bar to bar by his parents —— who tended to spend more of the money they did have on alcohol than they did on him. it was around the time that alex was five that his mother began exhibiting symptoms of what he overheard the doctors referring to as paranoid schizophrenia.( he just knew that sometimes she didn't hear him when he spoke to her & sometimes she spoke to people who weren't there. ) unable to cope with the stress this put on his life, alex’s father found solace in multiple vices, his favorite of which was heroin.
the arrival of his brother, aaron, and subsequently his sister, amber, left alex with two more people to protect from his father, who took his stress out on his family in shades of black and blue ( and yellow when they started healing. ) disability checks were spent on drugs and booze, growling stomachs were silenced with stolen chips from convenience stores, and younger siblings were quietly ushered into their rooms when mom started yelling about the cia or when dad came home with vacant eyes. it was LIFE, and he knew how to live it.
in the first semester of his eighth grade year, alex, thirteen years old and tired of the constant abuse at home, took up wrestling solely as a means of protecting himself and his family — but discovered that his skills were scholarship worthy when he got into high school. ( not to mention he really enjoyed it. ) grades rose and disciplinary issues declined at the threat of being kicked off the team and losing his only way into college, his only way of becoming a SURGEON. no longer a pipe dream, but a genuine possibility! kids still received black eyes at his hand & sharp tongue still cut those who warranted it, but that was mostly off campus.
in the second semester of his freshman year, alex, finally fifteen years old and tired of the constant abuse at home, used the brawn he’d accumulated from wrestling to beat his father within an inch of his life and kicked him out. life was harder but better for the boy who was forced to become a man too quickly. disability checks were put towards bills now, which left the children with very little money for food. good thing they had nimble fingers.
in the first semester of his sophomore year, alex, fifteen years old and unable to care for his mother any longer, checked her into a psychiatric facility. he managed to keep caring for his siblings —— until he got busted for stealing dinner for them one night, thrusting him into juvie and amber and aaron into the foster care system. a few months later, alex followed suit. he bounced from foster home to foster home until he was eighteen years old, only trying to figure out a way to get his siblings back. he lost count of how many he was in (seventeen,) more focused on where his siblings were. they managed to stay together, only going through five before alex assumed custody of them during his senior year and legally changed all of their last names to karev.
on a full ride to iowa state university because of a wrestling scholarship, alex was jock turned doctor —— with a tendency to revert back to jock whenever he felt insecure. bullying had always proven to be an effective way to keep people from seeing how he truly felt; why should it be any different as an adult? he cared for his siblings as best as he could, cashing out loans to send to them, placing himself further into debt than he should have been with a full ride. after distancing himself from his siblings during med school, alex decided to do what was right for him and move to seattle to intern at seattle grace hospital, still sending them money every month. (the rest of his biography follows grey's anatomy's canon.)
verses
CANON
AU
CLOSED
GROUP
MAIN.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery. you are currently in a relationship with josephine wilson, who has declined your multiple proposals time and time again. (you can't help but be FRUSTRATED at the non-reasons she throws your way.) it all comes to a head the night you find her in bed with deluca, misunderstanding the situation & letting your TEMPER get the best of you. the last two of your intern class, you and meredith grey have become close friends. you work dutifully to provide your patients with the best care possible. (the main verse correlates with and follows the canon events of whatever the current season is.)
SURGICAL FELLOW/ATTENDING.
your name is alexander karev. you have finally finished your surgical residency. you are TOP DOG! and a homeowner, too! you have fought tooth & nail to get where you are, defied the odds, and could not be happier. that is, until you start a relationship with josephine wilson, who understands everything you've been through and loves you despite how hard it is for her to get that close to someone. you briefly relinquish your position at grey sloan in favor of a private practice that helps you pay off your student loans, but return after being fired due to maggie's big mouth. (follows the canon events of seasons nine-eleven.)
RESIDENT.
your name is alexander karev. you are no longer the runt of the litter, the bottom of the surgical foodchain; you're a RESIDENT now! your world begins and ends with izzie stevens, even though you don't want it to. she b r e e z e s into your life with sunshine hair and rose-petal lips, and passes on through just as quickly, leaving the sun dimmer and roses no longer quite as pretty. the loss of her hits you HARD, but you channel your energy into your work. ( and one night stands. ) you officially give up your pursuit of plastics in order to specialize in peds. (follows the canon events of seasons four-eight.)
INTERN.
your name is alexander karev. you are a surgical intern at the prestigious seattle grace hospital. you’re a bully, a shark, a frightened boy hiding behind a mask of bravado because you came from nothing and somehow made yourself something. most of your intern class doesn’t like you because of it — and the nurses don’t either. you and izzie stevens have an on-again-off-again relationship; you let your own external stressors and emotional shortcomings ruin it time & time again. you claim to want a specialty in plastics, but neonatal with addison montgomery is where you shine. (follows the canon events of seasons one-three.)
NO ONE WANTS A KID FROM JUVIE.
your name is alexander evans. you are circulating through the foster care system faster than anyone you know. maybe they don’t like your mouth or your tendency to fight with the other kids or the fact that you don’t take orders very well — you’re never sure, but you’re always kicked out a few months after arriving. you spend all of your time waiting to turn eighteen so that you can get your brother and sister back.
your name is alexander evans. you are taking care of your family the best you can. your mother is schizophrenic, your father is a junkie with a heavy hand, and your siblings rely on you for food and protection. (the former usually consists of pocketed gas station food, but they never complain.) you’re looking at miserable life if you can’t find a way to get your father out of the picture. (set before alex is put in the foster care system, from when he is a child to when he is caught stealing.)
A WAKING NIGHTMARE.
your name is alexander karev. when you reach your thirties, you think you are in the clear! your mother had schizophrenia & so did your brother, but you — you have prevailed. you think this when you become a resident, when you become an attending, when you move in with your hopefully soon-to-be fiancée. you even think this when you suffer your first PSYCHOTIC BREAK. you think this while you withdraw from your friends, while you begin to suspect your peers and patients of plotting against you to take away your license, while you show up to work hours late and just sit there; but you're fine. you're in the clear, remember? (this verse is flexible in its placement in his timeline.)
PRIMARILY A CHOICE; SECONDARILY A FEELING.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery at grey sloan memorial hospital. not only has the woman you wanted to marry betrayed you beyond reconciliation, but the woman you have married has shown up after all this time, bringing unresolved feelings with her. izzie stevens has always been your kryptonite, and you've never quite known how to deal with how she affects you. it seems TIME hasn’t changed that.
EVERYTHING IS FINALLY GOING FOR ME.
your name is alexander karev. you are the head of pediatric surgery at grey sloan memorial hospital. everything in your life is PERFECT! you're almost afraid to say that, afraid that you might screw it up by letting the universe know how happy you are — but everything in your life is finally going for you. happily are you married toizzie stevens, who you have a beautiful little girl with. her name is charlotte & you are completely infatuated with her.
ALONE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE.
your name is alexander karev. you are in the third year of your surgical residency at the prestigious seattle grace-mercy west hospital. your wife, izzie stevens, has just succumbed to the impossibly stacked odds of her five percent survival rate. it's something you couldn't have even fathomed, so entirely far-fetched that it didn't seem real. and yet she has left you ALONE — but sometimes you swear you can smell her banana muffins when you walk through the kitchen.
DID YOU KISS ME?
your name is alexander karev and getting drunk off your ass isn't always a good thing, especially when it leads to you KISSING your best friend, meredith grey. and her kissing you back! wouldn't it be so easy to sweep it under the rug? wouldn't it be so simple to claim that it was all on the alcohol, that it didn't mean anything? (too bad it DOES.)
HERE'S TO FUTURE DAYS. • GROUP.
your name is alexander evans. you are taking care of your family the best you can. your mother is schizophrenic, your father is a junkie with a heavy hand, and your siblings rely on your deft hands (good for punching and stealing!) for food and protection. you care very little for the people at your school. most of them get the brunt of the frustration of your home life and most don’t know you as anything other than a bully, though there are a few who you would take on the WORLD for.
WHAT IF/THEN. • GROUP.
your name is alexander karev. you are happily engaged to meredith webber, who turned you around. you were a jerk before you met her. she is your chance to be b e t t e r. (but sometimes you still get to be a jerk behind her back with her PERSON, april kepner.) now, you are the model pupil! eager to learn, responsive to authority & best of all, you're chief resident! you are pursuing a specialty in general surgery, like the amazing ellis grey.
